Anything in the name of research...
[Original author unknown]
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue
the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I
hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That
is the"loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner
gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher,
and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have
hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the
intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and
snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably
this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the
candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to
its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one
M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat
this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M
Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.,
along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding
purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a
free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I
have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of
hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.